You hope this year will be different. You want to get off to a good start and tackle those things you didn’t get to last year. Going to the Internet, you search through the lists of how to tackle your resolutions and feel all revved up to get going. Unfortunately, you are now more likely to fail than succeed. While the Internet suggestions look intuitively convincing, few are based on how the mind and the brain actually work.
We tend to have a much more negative view of ourself than others do – and our negative evaluation is often wrong!
Even when talking to strangers, we are usually too self-critical about the conversation, thinking we talk too much or should have said something differently. Research studies show that our conversation partners, even strangers, enjoy and like us more than we realize. There is a “liking gap” between our own view of ourself and what others think of us.
What will we most regret on our deathbed? Immediately after we have been humiliated or made a big blunder, most of us think we will regret it for the rest of our life. No so. The research is clear: we most regret those things we fail to do – not the things we actually do. In the long run, it matter little that we make a mess or mistake. Those things fade from memory. What haunts us and becomes a burden are the things we let slide: our procrastinations, our hesitations, our inability to take a leap of faith and following our dreams.
How well we do in our life fluctuates day-by-day and even hour-by-hour. We feel it in our sense of wellbeing and our ability to be productive and effective. In general, our overall functioning is a result of the balance between those things, people and activity that brigs us satisfactions and those same things that makes us frustrated.
Think of satisfactions as all those things, both inner and outer, that nourish our sense of self. In contrast, frustrations are all those blockages that obstruct our sense of movement, progress and expansion in our daily life. [Read more…] about How Well Are You Doing?
What are boundaries?
- Everything we can name has some sort of boundary to distinguish it from every other thing
- Boundaries make the world and our experience knowable and communicable
- We cannot differentiate something that does not have some sort of edge or contrast with its surroundings—whether through our senses, our ideas or our feelings.