If you were like most people, you had at least one spat with a loved one during the Covid-19 lockdown. Maybe it was set off by the stress of distancing; maybe you and your partner were not aligned about using masks; maybe your friends got too close. Whatever the overt reasons for fighting, the pandemic has been a time of stress and friction. Much as we would like to remain calm, happy and benign, there is more than enough opportunity for irritation and conflict. [Read more…] about Why Do We Fight With Our Loved Ones?

When was the last time you had a sustained dialog with someone? How often do you talk deeply about topics close to your heart? Are you starved for real conversation—not social chitchat about media, not sharing of personal problems and not scheduling the next meeting? A real conversation is a sustained discussion with the intention to delve deep, to discover something new and be inspired.

I was in a restaurant recently and over half the couples were too engrossed in their cellphones to talk to each other. I overheard the people at the next table discussing politics, so my wife and I introduced ourselves and joined in. It made for a lively evening, a give and take of facts and opinions. We did not completely agree, but we did connect and converse! [Read more…] about The Magic of Conversation

We tend to have a much more negative view of ourself than others do – and our negative evaluation is often wrong!
Even when talking to strangers, we are usually too self-critical about the conversation, thinking we talk too much or should have said something differently. Research studies show that our conversation partners, even strangers, enjoy and like us more than we realize. There is a “liking gap” between our own view of ourself and what others think of us.

[Read more…] about People Like You – Far More Than You Think!

In a committed relationship, we agree to be involved in all aspects of each other’s lives. That includes giving of our selves to each other. Sharing our lives and sharing our selves—these are at the heart of an intimate relationship. But sharing is not always easy: we are all selfish and we all have parts of ourself we hesitate to let others see. It takes courage to open our hearts to deeper sharing. Sharing can feel risky but the rewards are immeasurable. [Read more…] about Sharing: A Cornerstone of Relationship

The title of the talk is “Hugs and Quarrels” because that is what we do when we are married: we cling together and we push apart—hopefully we come together more than we part but both seem to be essential in an evolving marriage.  Connecting and separating are the light and dark, yin and yang of a relationship. [Read more…] about Marriage as a Sacred Journey: Hugs and Quarrels

At some stage in almost all relationships, there will be either explicit or covert conflict.  How the we deal with this conflict has enormous importance for the future of the relationship and its ability to grow.  Below are propositions about conflict that relate equally to intimate relationships and families. [Read more…] about Dealing with Conflict

After an affair, if the couple decides to stay together, they have to approach the relationship as if they are starting afresh; they have to rebuild their relationship. Like a bridge that has collapsed, the relationship has to be constructed on a solid foundation—or it may falter again.  [Read more…] about Rebuilding Relationship after an Affair