It’s the beginning of a new year. If you are like me, you want to get off to a good start and tackle unfinished tasks and create worthy resolutions. You make a list and rev yourself up to get going. Maybe you consult the Internet to get a few good ideas.
Unfortunately, you’ve set the scene for likely failure rather than success. While other people’s suggestions look intuitively convincing, few are based on how you as a unique person actually accomplish things.
What we consciously decide is only a minor part of the equation. In reality, we unconsciously processes what we will or will not do before we’re aware of it. To a large extent, our choices are decided outside of conscious control. To create real change we have to understand and work hand-in-hand with our deeper psyche. When our whole being is running on the same track, we are much more likely to realize the desired results.
Here are eight suggestions that research and experience shows work:
- Be patient and consistent. Assume that any changes to your behavior will be hard going at first and that changing habits will take at least 3 – 6 weeks to become ‘natural’.
- Do not bully yourself or put yourself under pressure. Remind yourself gently and frequently what you intend to achieve, but allow yourself plenty of time to get there. The unconscious is slower at making lasting changes than we think or wish for.
- Do not tell other people about your goals! Keep your resolutions to yourself; think about them and make a list on your own. Spreading the word subtly decreases your motivation over the long run.
- Sit quietly for 15 minutes contemplating your goals. Before actually starting a task, see yourself doing it in your minds eye: exercising, eating well, being calmer, finishing tasks. Your brain processes the things you imagine as if you are actually doing them.
- Break down large goals into smaller tasks and begin. You can ‘trick’ yourself into getting going on a challenging project by deciding to do only a small part and not making a big deal of it. Once we get going, continuing a task is much easier. Always celebrate your successes, even if they are only minor accomplishments.
- Practice random acts of self-control. Something as simple as deciding to eat a meal more slowly or taking a moment to look closely at an object strengthens your intentions. Will-power is like a muscle and gets stronger with practice regardless of what you focus on. Every conscious choice you carry through to completion makes you stronger.
- Break a bad habit by writing it down. Carry a small pad and pencil and note each time you do a probleatic behavior—procrastinating, snacking, losing time on the Internet, whatever. Make a quick note without judgment or self-criticism. The increased awareness makes change more likely.
- Replace your bad habit with an alternative action. Instead of trying to force yourself to stop something, do an alternative activity that is satisfying. Go for a walk instead of watching television; clean out a closet instead of snacking. The more you build up alternative associations, the more likely you are to change a problematic habit.
Use those approaches that make most sense to you–and practice daily. Even if you use only a few, you greatly increase your chances of achieving your good resolutions. Good luck! A useful resource is Atomic Habits by James Clear.